He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
