You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
