So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
