I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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