you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
