Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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