I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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