maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
