i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
