And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
