Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
