I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
