Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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