The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
