She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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