Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
