he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
