When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i think we sleep fucked last night...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
