we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
