so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize