thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
