there was a trapeze. enough said
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize