note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
