There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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