She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
