Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
