so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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