so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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