big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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