dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize
