U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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