i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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