She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
