I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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