dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
