Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
