dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
this just has baby written all over it
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Two words: blizzard sex
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I want a musical about memes.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
