I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
