i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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