Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
birth control should be required to get into college
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
