my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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