I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
