she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
