you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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