she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
