I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
