I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
