So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
