Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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