Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
