you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
