Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
