When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
