Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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