smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
not ubering you a puppy
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
