Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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