Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
