why didn't you poke me back
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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