Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
