I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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