Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
BRING THE BAGELS
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
