He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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