end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
