oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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