All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize