I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
