I accidentally burped into my bong.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize